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There is a me that nobody knows about..Inside me there is a angry little girl. I do not want to let her out. If I let her out then I have failed. Some people do not know what I am talking about or they just think that I am crazy.
When I was taken away from my parents she had to hide...In elementary school I never talked and hated being called on in class. I have learned that I have to be loud and I have to say things...The things I have to say is what everyone wants to hear. I can look at someone and know what they want me to say. I get into trouble because I don't look at people when they are talking to me or me to them. For the simple fact that I know what they want me to say...
This little girl inside me has been fighting to come out a lot lately. She maybe angry but she controls me part of the time. I get upset and she wants to come out and yell...If I get too close to someone she comes out and does something so that I leave them before they leave me. She doesn't want to be alone and that is how it has been..Nobody knows how me and my little girl feel like.
There was a doctor at a state hospital he understood...He understands that there is a little girl inside of me...I let him meet her at one point...But now the problem is is that my therapist lied to me and I now have no trust in her and feel I can not trust anyone...my little girl wants to come out and hurt her just as she has hurt me. The doctor told me that I just need to take care of the little girl and that is what I have been trying to do for years...The thing is is that I am not able to rock anymore.. I always calmed her by rocking and since I have moved into my own place I do not have a rocker to rock in. Rocking in a chair that does not rock breaks them..Trust me i know...
I don't know I have so much to say but I know that nobody wants to hear it...
LLL1985
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