Oh Phoenix! I'm so sorry you're hurting so bad. If I could *poof* make it stop, I surely would.

I keep a list of "distractions" for when I have agitation that could result in injurious behavior.

I also have a "distraction" jar where I've cut the list into individual slips. Whichever one I draw, I do - that's my rule. Of course, I create the list when I'm in a good space and change it out periodically to keep it fresh.

Making such a list was a great exercise in analyzing various components of my coping skills. Examples are anything from watching a movie to digging a hole, taking a walk/run to checking on my elderly neighbor down the street.

Maybe reading this will help inspire you to fashion something new to help you out during this tough time.