i split this off from the other thread because i didn't want to take away from the original poster's needs with my own.

Re: abnormal eeg and did?
"Description: No sedation was used and no sleep obtained. It is a moderate voltage recording with a basic 7 per second activity. On pp. 490; 503 and 513 there are some higher voltage bursts. Hyperventilation was done fairly well with constant urging and produces some higher voltage 3 to 4 per second waves bi-temporal, maximal right. No mental activity was attempted and photic stimulation produces some higher voltage bursts at 15 flashes.

Impression: Dys. grade 1 bi-temporal. There does seem to be a preponderance of high voltage slow waves from R temporal and parietal areas. This is an abnormal record."

Reaction: None--no diagnosis made, no treatment recommendation made, no follow up made.

This was an eeg done when i was five years old. i was referred by a pediatric specialist to a neuropsychologist to rule out petit mal seizures due to a change in behavior that followed a stay in the hospital. The behavior described was staring off/seemingly out of touch with reality and shaking my head, along with perhaps more general activity and me staying up later. The hospital stay was for acute pharyngitis and a fever of 105, the cause of which i question (and can't prove). The quote is from the eeg report. The neuropsychologist actually administered the eeg yet never mentioned his own test results in any follow up letters or actions.

Miri~you asked how this made me feel...i feel confused and i've had a very hard time writing anything about this. My writing this at this very moment followed about 15 minutes of me staring at the screen with my finger in my mouth...spacing out and disconnected. Things have been "off" for me in general recently.

i guess i'm going to need to finally have someone look at this and tell me what it means because i don't know. It has been a source of great discomfort for me over the years, mainly because i felt/feel my adoptive mom wasn't telling me the whole truth and because i found it incredibly odd that no one mentioned the test results in follow up. The whole reason i saw this doc was for the test...why wouldn't it be mentioned in the follow up letter? Instead, he mentioned how bright i was and that my mom seemed to be aware of things as they pertained to me (which seemed cryptic but maybe i'm reading my own stuff into it).

What if none of what i thought happened to me happened to me? i know that's not true because of other evidence but it sure leaves me feeling even more confused...and i've had plenty of that lately.

i haven't even really processed my biological parent's wedding. i'm so good at numbing out. Another part of me (if they exist) cried out loud for a moment right after the ceremony...the momma why part.

i'm so tired of being me. Waaa, poor baby.