I been depressed for the past 2 years and I don't seem to be getting any better. My life is totally messed up. I have no direction. I'm not in college, not working, or have a social life at all. I wish I could go back two years ago, at 18, I would have appreciated high school years much more, now that I know what the future would bring.

I've never pictured myself like this. Ending up in my mother shoes, although she got over it. I don't see myself doing the same. Maybe it's because I don't have any motivation like children depending on me, like we depended on her.

I'm probably at the lowest point I ever been in my life and I don't see me winning this battle.

what makes things worse is my mother borrowed a gun for protection against her live-in boyfriend and she hides it in my closet. She may not know how depressed I am because I haven't told her, but common sense should let her know something's wrong. A 20 year old sleeps all day, never leaves their room, with a history of past suicidal attempts, diagnosed as bipolar. I'm not saying I'm going to hurt myself. It just seems obvious to me that you don't have such temptations around somebody who is already depressed.