I see it that way. But other people I have to deal with don't.

Off meds, I'm moody and irritable and can't focus. On meds, I'm "normal" but the people who don't know I'm on meds think I'm bipolar since I go from being perpetually cranky and pessimistic to having a decent outlook on life.

I can stay off meds and be considered just a ***** who hates the world and can't make friends, or I can go on meds and be accused of having a disorder that I don't. I feel like I can't win.

I'm going to have to face a crowd of people that I can't deal with next week. It's my daughter's 8th grade graduation. The ex will have his family and friends there, and I'll be completely alone, and I'll have to suck it up and pretend I like these people who made me feel like crap for being me or I can ruin my daughter's day by alienating everyone.

Being someone I'm not, trying to fit into everyone else's idea of acceptable helped get me where I am, and I refuse to bow down to their expectations and ignore my own needs. My instinct is to not even go, but I can't do that to my daughter. But I can't be there for my daughter and avoid all of these other people.

I want to keep myself safe, and I don't know how. No matter what I do, I'll be talked about.