Hi Star and all my fellow members with PTSD. This is the hardest personal work I've ever done, and sometimes I just wish I could have a brain transplant.

I get so aggravated when things feel unfair. I keep feeling as though I'm re-enacting my abuse everywhere I go. Same themes crop up in the present that occurred in my past.

I was the family scapegoat. What that meant is no matter what happened. If a visiting child broke a lamp I happened to be in the room playing I was the presumed culprit and severely punished for it.

I am here on this forum, because I want to be free of these patterns. I have a career I would like to return to restored to some semblance of wholeness again. I have a lot to offer others and I want the opportunity to do so.

My partner is mystified. She has known me for 24 years and wants to understand my triggers and help me to get back to the person she fell in love with. She loves me dearly and would do anything to help me.

She needs support too, but we haven't found a resource for her yet. This forum seems to be primarily for people who have mental illness, not those who are the family and friends of those with MI symptoms.

I have friends in my life, yet I don't reach out to them like I should. It never crosses my mind to call someone 'just for the heck of it'. So this forum has been a way for me to bridge the gap and at least connect with others who also feel isolated in this healing walk we're doing.

When I don't have that opportunity, I feel sad.