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May 24, 2009, 02:19 PM
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Memorial day weekend has always been an issue with me. Tomorrow, May 25th, marks the anniversary of my dad's death.
This June 3rd will be the five month anniversary of my mother's death.
I won't be home to put flowers on my family's graves and I'm really having a hard time dealing with that. Even though someone put flowers there "for" me, it's just not the same. It should've been me doing the honors this first year. 
I also wish now that we had buried my two brothers in the same cemetery as my parents. It feels strange that they should be separate. But at least the brothers are together in death as they always were in life, and mom and dad are finally together again.
I understand how my mom felt when she moved out of state. She felt she'd left her husband and her two sons all alone.
I tried to tell her that "the boys," as we referred to my brothers, were not really there. I believed that then but it's hard for me to convince myself of that now.
With the recent suicide of my sister-in-law last month, my inner ten-year-old empathizes with her nine-year-old son and is kinda feeling the childhood pain once again. It forever lurks in my body and runs through my veins. I have come to the conclusion that the little girl will never truly heal. The wound went too deep.
It was a confusing time for a kid to say the least, to have your father die on Memorial Day weekend and then see everyone "party" every year when all I wanted to do was cry and sometimes die. I didn't get the difference between honoring the dead versus celebrating their death.
I would also like to take a minute to honor my uncle, who was killed in action in WWII. Even though I never knew him, he is buried with my grandparents and I used to "see" him on a regular basis. 
Blossom, over and out.
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