Do you talk to a therapist (or even just a fam doc) about this? It seems to me that taking meds and functioning well would not go against you w/regards to keeping your kids. Does your ex have to know if you're on meds? I think you may need professional back-up and support. That's so heavy- the fear of losing your children (I know that one, too).

I'm a real green-horn here, but you sure are making sense to me