Jeanie, I don't have a therapist. No insurance. It's just not financially possible right now. I'm going to see a doctor in a couple of weeks through a free woman's health program though. I'll get a free physical and I can discuss my depression issues. My regular doc OK'd a refill on my meds since I've got the physical coming up. I've been off of them for well over a year and I've taken a serious down turn since then. Couldn't afford the physical that was required for him to OK the refills.

My ex is just so against medication of any kind. He'll suffer with a headache and make everyone else miserable with his complaints of pain rather than take an aspirin. If the kids have an infection that needs antibiotics, he refuses to give it to them because he doesn't think they need it.

He doesn't HAVE to know that I'm going back on meds, but it will most likely sneak out accidentally from one of the kids. Like I said earlier, taking the meds means I can't control it on my own. He could try and use that as an argument against me.

Being on meds makes everything run so much smoother. Depression affects so much more than my mood. It dictates how well and how fast I do my work, how well I sleep, how well I take care of the house and the yard. If I can't do those things as well as I see other people doing them, that sends me into a deeper depression. I'm isolated and friendless because I don't think there's anything worth liking about me. I'm always down. I don't feel creative or able to provide anything of any meaning to others. Because of the social isolation, my ex is trying to say I shouldn't have the kids, even though I take them places all the time. The depression affects my ability to make friends. It doesn't affect my ability to force myself to do things, even if it's alone or with only the company of my kids.

I'm not making sense. I'm all over the place, can't stay on topic, can't focus. Sorry.