I have finally got to a point where I am very stable, not extremely depressed, not extremely impulsive. I lost my job, but I still didn't fall off the deep end like I could have. I'm feeling pretty good. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder, so some of my issues just won't go away with medications. We're working on all that.

Anyway...my blood glucose levels have been up & down the past few months. At my latest family doc appointment, they said my numbers don't really qualify for a diagnosis of diabetes or even pre-diabetes at this point, but that based on my spotty high numbers, my obesity, and my family history (my dad), I am at very high risk of developing diabetes at some point in my life. I was told to diet & exercise, lose as much weight as possible.

I've gained 60 pounds on the Zyprexa, 50 within only a few months. I know part of it is my own laziness and binge eating, but a lot of it is the increased appetite from the Zyprexa.

So anyway...based on my weight gain and blood glucose levels, my psych nurse (does meds & therapy) wants to switch me from Zyprexa to Invega, and from Lamictal to Topamax. What do you think?

She suggested the Topamax in an email last week. I see her on Tuesday and I need to decide what to tell her. The funny thing is, I actually mentioned Topmax to HER about 5-6 months ago when I was struggling with my weight and someone online told me that Topamax has a weight loss side effect. But she told me that Lamictal was the #1 drug out there for Bipolar II, and I think she thought I was just looking for an easy way to lose weight. Well, now, I think she realizes just how hard it is for me to lose weight.

But do I dare risk the change? What if I become unstable again? What if I get suicidal? I would love to lose weight and reduce my risk of diabetes, but at what cost?

Have any of you been on Topamax? What is your opinion of it? Were you ever on Lamictal - which one worked better/worse for you? I know every person is different, just looking for examples.

I'm already down to a half-dose of the Zyprexa and I plan to wean off it this Wednesday. Then give it a week or two and see what happens with the Invega - I'm already up to a therapeutic dose of that.

If I do decide to do the Lamictal/Topamax switch-when should I do it? Should I wait a few weeks after the Zyprexa/Invega switch? How long?