wi-f, I am right behind Parker and wants2. I will add that your kids don't need to know you are on meds, nothing you have said indicates bad parenting, you are still being bullied and abused by this guy if only in your fears and memories. Also, you need drugs, there are ways to get them. The pharm companies are pretty good about it and I have other connections. P.m. me if you like. Oh Oh , sounds like I am a dealer. Naaa. Please stop questioning your parenting and please stop fighting the label of depression. It is as real as diabetes and you are taking care of yourself. Going off meds and going on when things are bad makes the depressions worse and more difficult to treat. By the way, depression is sometimes a four letter word on my spell check.