i've wondered the same, though not really about any of us. It IS wise to remember the searchability of conversations. Personally, i don't care though i don't overtly name names. i don't choose to use my real name but if someone figured it out it wouldn't break my heart.

i understand the (is it derealization?) part that questions how possible it is to have good honest people around you. When you (i/we) couldn't trust the people we were supposed to be able, how can you trust others? i've run into bad people (not here) out in cyber space and all i can say is trust your gut instincts. i was able to pick him out and call him out on his confusion tactics. i think we have become so hypervigilent (and not necessarily in a bad way) that we pick up on insincerity very quickly. i do at any rate. It's understandable to question whether a reaction is instinct or insecurity created by our abuse histories. Respect both.

You deserve to be cared for. It must be hard to accept when there are people out here that do care for you when you couldn't count on the ones you should have been able to count on. Self care is deserved and important. Take it slow. You have a lot on your plate we know. Just be.