i lost my family a few years back. My dad died when i was 19, and my mom just died a few years ago. I'm a only child, and most of my distant family died when i was young, the rest have never met me, and i dont even know how to go about looking for them.

i also went into prison pretty much the day my mother died, and spent 2 years there. when i got out most of my friends had scattered, or become shady about me not using drugs anymore and dont trust me enough to talk to me.

so im pretty much on my own now, and it scares the living daylights out of me. I've done pretty well so far, i've gotten a job, a apartment. I'm not hungry or cold or nothing. however i have that nagging voice in the back of my head that if something goes wrong im screwed, and probably end up homeless or dead.

plus it's very hard on me to meet new friends. I mean i can get friends, but shallow friends without any deep connection. I got a handful of them, but none that really want too much to do with me besides small talk when they happen to be in the same room with me.

i spend most of my nights and days watching TV, and wondering really whats the point of all this. life feels pretty empty when it's just you that actually cares about you. Almost seems parasitic, all though i dont know really what im feeding on.

thats about all for my second post. thanks for reading!