Jay, some of your symptoms do sound like BPD, like reactive moods, and concern about abandonment. But they could also be depression, PTSD, anxiety, other personality disorders, .... One thing that helps to tell the difference is what you do when you are afraid of abandonment, or someone says something and your mood plummets. Your behaviors make a difference.

Ultimately, it can feel comforting to have more understanding of what you might have, but a diagnosis is only really good for helping you to get appropriate treatment. You have said you aren't really interested in therapy. Consider this a gentle nudge, then. Anybody would have symptoms like you do after what you have been through. As children, we develop ways to survive and to cope. Those same things often become problems when we aren't living in that environment anymore, but it's what you know. Change isn't easy, but these things are treatable. Getting started getting help is scary and hard, but it's easier than living with these demons or trying to understand and change on your own.