but i just got to get it out. i dont even know how to take it in. im just pretty much numb, stupified right now.

I was sitting in my truck waiting to see my counsler and my pdoc called me. he said after i have the appt with him beginning of next month i have to pay $30 for each appt after that. he also said all medicines and blood test i will have to pay for also. Well my insurance i do have doesnt cover the meds and i cant afford them. So when i see him he's going to get me weening off all of them. I will not see him for a follow up appt.

Then i go in to see my counsler and she tells me the week after next i have to start paying $45 for each appt. I can't afford that either. I don't have a freaking penny to my name. She had a group meeting starting on June 8th which cost $10 a meeting and my parents said they could help me with that but not every meeting. So after seeing her next week for the last time i wont be going to a counsler anymore or the group meeting.

Both told me that the state has run out of money to fund the mental health clinic and family services down this way. The only way the state will help is if you are currently on welfare.
Well i'm not and can tell you honestly i wouldnt qualify. I can't even get food stamps. and i have no job. But have been trying so damn hard to find one.

I knew this was coming. The news talks about the state not having any money. What they do with it, they freaking pocket it. they don't help their citizens.

So screw them all cause i'm sick of it all. I wash my hands of it. I lose it again and off myself then be it. It was meant to be. Cause my meds will again become liquor and pot to get me through.