Thank you so much for your reply, it really helped. I think it helps me a lot to talk (write about it) as I can make things clearer in my head!

Well I have been seeing a counsellor with the uni for a couple of months and we have been talking about some of these issues, which stem from a feeling of lack of self confidence. I have grown out of this now and haven't actually told these lies for a number of years now, I realised that the reason why I told them was because I wanted to appear interesting and I am not sure, I think one day I just realised that I don't want to be interesting! That I just want to be myself so I stopped lying. I don't even know when it stopped, I just realised looking back that it did stop if that makes any sense at all.

I am just waiting to see my counsellor again, but unfortuantly it is the last time I will see her as I am graduating and I think I would like to talk about the issues of feeling guilty for my past behaviours. Although we have sort of talked about them already, just saying that it is something to accept but it doesn't change who I am now.

I just find the whole drink spiking indicent hard to deal with I guess, maybe you are right and I am trying to convince myself that I am lying about it so I don't have to deal with it, but I am more concered with why this issue has come back to me now after nearly 5 years when I rarely thought about it. I think mainly at the moment I am concerned that I just hurt my mum and dad when I told them about it and it just scares me that I could have done that. I guess I want to talk to my parents about it and explain that I am not sure what happened, but firstly I don't want to drag up the topic again with them and secondly I am scared they would be disgusted with me.

The other problem is that I just don't know how I am supposed to move on in my life with when this has happened. As much as I am able to explain why I did certain things it still does not excuse them and it is not as if I can create an excuse for it every day, so I am not sure how to go about leaving the memories if that makes any sense. How can one just stop being bothered by something?

I'm sorry this is hugely long again, thank you so much for your help. I think this will help me an awful lot when I do go and see my counsellor again as I only have 50 mins to try and explain all this! I think it is just very hard because it is not like I have this behaviour now so I can analyse it now and really realise, it was something I grew out of so now all I am left with is the memories of it and I can't seem to make them stop hurting.

In many ways I think that saying I made up that my drink was spiked is easier than dealing with the idea that it did get spiked, and my counsellor said that often the problem with these incidents is that you don't remember the events that happened because that is the nature of the drug so i guess it is always going to be surrounded by mystery, but it just concerns me that I have gone for nearly 5 years believing that this happened to me and not feeling bothered by it, which really does lead me to believe that maybe deep down I did make it up because that would explain why I wasn't so bothered about it.

Sorry I just kept typing, but thank you so much, I am sorry if this isn't the done thing just confessing your whole life but I just had to do something. Thanks!