Please note the trigger warning

i occasionally have the thought that there is some experiment going on regarding my experiences and there's someone out there documenting it's effects. "Ritual abuse syndrome: cause and effect" It's freaky. i don't "go there" often. i tend to think anything's possible but also wonder if this isn't a way of "cleaning up" the truth for our own benefit. Not that being an unwilling participant in such a thing is ok in any way...but maybe it's somehow more palatable than believing our own families were capable of committing e*** acts and inflicting so much physical and psychological pain. i do tend to believe there must be a mighty big underground of people who perpetrate the things at least some of us have endured. i'm sorry but i lose track of whom. ARGH! Sorry sorry.

As for the wrong people recognizing me (or others here with such concerns), that's scary sometimes too. i understand. i can have rational and irrational fears regarding that sometimes. White Iris , especially when you've had a track down experience, it seems caution is good. i have not. One of my r.a. perpetrators, my adoptive brother, (if i'm not some other kind of crazy and it didn't really happen) lives 20 minutes away from me and i told him i was remembering 17 years ago. i still get terrified sometimes but most of the time i think...if he/they wanted to get me they could have gotten me at any time. i also went to the church, alone like an idiot , and when asked by the pastor who my brother was answered obediently (programming?). Still no one came after me.

So is that fear based on empty threats or risk for you now and what do you fear would happen if they did figure out it was you? Because i'm thinking the best way to strategize for personal safety is to really look at the risk and consequences. It scares me they did that to you. i just wonder if circumstances of power and protection have changed to make things different now or, if they haven't, how to help you be safe.