You don't need to feel ashamed for this.

I know where you live with your family is not the most supportive place. I'm not sure how else you can act either, since it's so important to you that you keep this a secret from the rest of the family. I also know it's hard to get alone where you are... if there's any way you can let little manda play during certain parts of the day it might help to keep her more in control later when people are around you