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May 27, 2009, 07:55 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: So Cal
Posts: 3,342
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Manda...
From what I have learned about DID/DDNOS and the way systems and identity states work is that the goal is protection and safety, and typically (especially the littles) will not be as OUT around everybody else because that makes them feel too vulnerable. That is the reason that alters are created, to protect ourselves from overwhelming experiences.
It's important to remember, that little Manda and big Manda equal one person, and not two. You ARE both at once...these parts are you, they have just split to a point were they are more divided so they take on an identity and appear to have lives of their own.
I too have a "host" identity that keeps everything looking good and normal on the outside to everyone else so that they do not realize that the others are there. It is very awkward to feel so little inside and yet appear so mature on the outside as if I am on robot mode. I think this is part of co-consciousness....like flying a plane...you've got Pilot and Co-Pilot, one on the inside having the experiences, but someone else is flying the plane to make things look normal and to protect the system from exposure.
I hope this helps you understand. You are not alone. I think you will find so many others who understand what you are experiencing. It makes sense in my logical mind, yet internally I scratch my head and say  !!
P.S. In my opinion, although awkward at times, I think co-consciousness is a good thing. It can be very helpful to be able to communicate and comfort other parts when you start your healing journey with T.
Take care!! 
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