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Originally Posted by Sally71487
... he has taken all privacy away from me and treats me like i am his dog who must obey him. He puts me down and screams in my ears when i am trying to sleep, shoving his knee against my back calling me all the names i was called when i was bullied in high school because he knows it hurts me. He went through all my old pictures, emails, conversations and things in general thrownig away or deleteing what bothered him but keeping all my old memories that were none of his buisness glued in his head and uses them against me. Secrets i had with friends he uses as blackmail to get what he wants. i have ended up bruised and hurt.
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There's not much question that you're in an abusive relationship and the two most important things you can do are to get out quickly and get out intelligently. Expect him to try to stop you or, once you get away, to try to find you (to make you come back, to silence you, or to punish you for daring to leave, or most likely all three.) Prepare as well as you can; choose your time as carefully as you can; then go, and don't look back.
Having said that much, I started looking around the internet for sites with more information for you and found this:
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Create a safety plan
Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. You're the only one who knows the safest time to leave. You may know you are in an abusive relationship and realize you need to leave as soon as you safely can. Or, you may be concerned about your partner's behavior and think you may need to get out at some point in the future.
Either way, being prepared can help you leave quickly if you need to. Consider taking these precautions:
Arrange a safety signal with a neighbor as an alert to call the police if necessary.
Prepare an emergency bag that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra clothes, important papers, money, extra keys and prescription medications.
Know exactly where you'll go and how you'll get there, even if you have to leave in the middle of the night.
1. Call a local women's shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 to find out about legal options and resources available to you, before you need them....
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... and lots more,
here (
Domestic Violence toward Men & Women:
Recognize the patterns and Get Help) That hotline sounds like an especially good idea; there's likely to be someone there who knows a lot more about dealing with situations like yours than any of us do.
If you should find yourself thinking you owe him something and don't deserve to be free of him just yet -- it's perfectly OK to have such thoughts, just finish getting yourself to someplace safe before you stop to entertain them. FWIW, I'd say you owe him nothing and he already owes you more than he could possibly repay.
Good luck, and be sure to cover your tracks well.
