those who abused us did a lot of programming to make us do certain things and not do other things. one of the biggest deals with them was for us to "pass for normal". we had to "look ok" no matter what horrifying things was happening or we were punished badly. so, it has been taking us a long time to unlearn the bad programming and begin to regain our human feelings and responses.

if you live in an unsupportive invironment it is pretty important to protect your little from family members who don't understand and won't be kind. it is hard to feel two such different things at the same time but the more you can accept yourself as you are the less pressure you will feel inside. being dissociative saved you as a child and now as an adult you will eventually be able to process and heal from the past. it takes time and effort and i really think you will find a way to do that.

leslie and pixies