quanni22
thanks for the support. things were going fine for a while even though there were a few problems but now things are falling apart again. I know that some people say that im brave but how am i brave? i didnt stop him or do anything important, i just survived. sometimes i do feel good and like i can move on and sometimes i feel and am told that i caused all the problems in my house and that i deserve to be miserable for causing the problems and "lying". it may not seem like it but i do love my mom but i hate how she treats me sometimes and how she knows that my brother is a jerk and knows how bad he gets when he gets mad but she still chooses to believe him and bad mouth me. i know that she has sacrificed a lot for me and my brother and its hard for her bieng a divorced parent but im never gunna be able to understand how she can say she loves me around other people and still bad mouth me and other people believe her. i was in counseling but it led nowhere. it helped me a little to deal with my dad not being around and i wanted to talk about my brother but nothing ever came out because i was scared that she wouldnt believe me or scared that she would have told my mom and caused more problems and i knew that i would have either showed no emotion or gotten real emotional and i didnt want her to see me like that. i guess i was just scared in general because the only person that i ever actually trusted and talked to about this was my teacher from last year that i got close with but now she moved away and i was talking to her for a while after she moved but my mom found out and told her not to contact me again. everyone else that found out either found out from someone else or through writing. and when it came to problems with my mom, my therapist took her side so i just kept everything to myself. some of the problems between me and my mom are over but its never gunna be the same because she is never gunna believe me about my brother so im never gunna be able to talk to her about stuff or be close to her. now i stopped seeing a therapist and i got no one cloe to me that i trust to talk to so i either write it down or keep it to myself because im afraid that if i tell any of my friends or anyone else that theyll look at me different or treat me different or even tell children services again.
u sound like a really great person and im so sorry that you had to go through something horrible like that. its alright to compare what you went through with what i went through because they were both horrible things that really affect a persons life. i hope that you can heal from your experience and that someday i can heal from mine and that someday ill be able to think of myself as beautiful and brave like u saqid i am but right now i thinkof myself as shameful and disgusting and cowardly but im trying to get better on my own. it was great for my teacher to be like a motherly figure to me and give me some relief and i thank her for that and even though she isnt physically with me now. i know that she will always be in with me in my heart and that is what keeps me going everyday along with my little cousins. im really trying not to give up and i ts hard but i have to for my little cousins and for the people out there that believe in me and most importantly for myself.