I'm a 54 yo gay man who has done what your husband is doing. (the difference is that I wasn't married). You would be amazed how many MARRIED guys are on these sites. Some do it because it is a turn on for them. Others because they are bisexual. Others because they are confused. I was probably in the latter group. I had my first gay expeience right after I got out of college. I was so disgusted with myself that I stayed away from relationships and sex for 20+ years. (growing up Catholic can carry with it some strong feelings of guilt.) I finally went to see a therapist. I admitted I was bi but that I wanted a relationship with a woman. After three years of therapy I held fast to that but my therapist was pushing me to admit I was gay. Anyway, rather than accept that possibility I stopped therapy - typical guy thing! But over the last 4 or 5 years I started to think more about it. I found a couple of personals sites and started responding to ads. At first it was a game and I'd never met with anyone. That changed and I was selective about who I met. Ironically I looked for married men because they had a lot to lose and so discretion would be assured. Long story short, I met a guy who was married at the time. He was getting a divorce and was accepting the fact that he was gay. We've been partners for over a year and living happily together.

Now about your husband. He would probably benefit from seeing a therapist. He needs to sort through his feelings and figure out why he's doing what he's doing. I had a hard time going at first because I wasn't going to talk about how I felt - another guy thing. In the first session, the therapist, who was a woman asked me if I at least masturbated. That was a word that was never said in our house when I was a kid let alone talked about. It took me back a bit but I realized she'd heard it all before so I could tell her anything. Even though I stopped seeing her she had me thinking about a lot of things which is what helped me accept that I am gay.

I wish you a lot of luck. If your husband is actually having sex with these guys I sure hope he's playing safely. Be well.