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May 28, 2009, 09:22 PM
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Well, I talked to her about it today. She doesn't see anything wrong with it...being the equivalent of some people going out for a martini ever once in awhile. I was honest with her, and she was honest with me. I asked some tough but relevant questions...like what would she have to lose if she quit? There are other coping techniques that are healthier after all. It's hard but it's do-able. She said though that she had given it some thought recently anyways before I said anything, though when and if she does quit she is going to do it for herself. That really hurt you know. Whatever happened to "If you can't do it for yourself, then at least do it for your children"? HOW CAN SHE SAY that she loves me so much and wants me to tell her if something is bothering me but when I do, the only thing that ever happens is they pretty much tell me to "get used to it." it that long, eloquent and gentle manner, the only thing that tells me is that they want to hear my opinion...but they aren't going to care about it too much. My dad for once actually agrees with her! It's just so damn depressing. You'd think maybe if I was even a few years younger they'd care a little more...at the moment they are treating me more like that room mate who happens to eat all of their food and doesn't contribute any money and shares 1/2 of their DNA then their daughter because I'm 17. Just because I'm grown up on the outside doesn't mean I'm grown up on the inside. In the end, she said she would try. (even pinky sweared on it) I guess out of impulse I announced this when dad came over. Later he was telling me that I really shouldn't have said that because it makes everyone feel awkward. So now I feel like an ***.  Even more so becase during our talk I told her about hearing from dad and he asked me tonight if I did, in the sort of desperate way of "you didn't tell her ___ did you?" I had to lie and say no. Then he said he hopes that I never do.
So now I'm  and nobody seems to get why I'm so emotional. I honestly think that they don't understand. (Most over-used teenager quote ever)
Some more quotes from the conversation being that a lot of things about the way I grew up are changing. But despite this, the big things like how much your family loves you and the other important stuff like that are always going to be the same. Something like that for the quote at least. I found it interesting for more reasons then one. I just love how they say things like that so casually sometimes. Like "oh, your entire life is pretty much a lie but that's okay because we still love you and you are growing up now so you'll get over it eventually."
And then they wonder why I need a therapist when I'm clearly so normal, they wonder why I have a hard time telling them anything.
And gee, I can't wait for some strict parent here to go careening to my parent's defense and tell me to grow up and show some respect. That's all I seem to get when I whine about my parents anyways: They are being reasonable, you are not. You have a right to your opinion but your so young it doesn't matter anyways. But you're an adult now so don't go looking for comfort either because you'll just get through it eventually.
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