Most important: You didn't do anything bad or wrong AT ALL. i thank you!

No Calista you didn't. Those things are with me anyway and i think it's ok to let them out. You helped me let them out. i'm sorry if that made you feel bad or responsible cuz you're not either. The bad people made me think these things. They did bad things and cuz i didn't know how to live with what they did i got all mixed up about them. You didn't do that. i think it helps when i make those connections. i just wish i could remember them and integrate my realizations so i don't have to relearn them all the time. That's what happens. i go aha! and then it's gone. i do write down aha's sometimes but then i forget i wrote them down or where and cuz there are so many (inches of dreams and memories on paper) i forget what goes where. That's what i mean by my puzzle pieces when i say that. Anyway, sorry i'm going on and on.

Most important: You didn't do anything bad or wrong AT ALL. i thank you!