Im mainly staying away from the boards at the moment - too triggery - but I wanted to let you know that I wrote to an old T of mine - the one who had been sick and he said he would see me for 12 sessions with medicare - reduced rates and a co-payment of about $30 that I can afford

Had my first session today - he is very good at getting stuff out of me - which is a bit scary but he doesnt think I am disgusting or dirty he thinks the child was innocent and not to blame and he has me 75% believing him! he has done so much for me in one session - he is brilliant!!!!

I am so lucky he has agreed to see me he makes me feel safe and I havnt felt safe in such a long time - I told him I didnt want to talk about the SA because I would lose the only safe place I had - his office and that he would not want to see me anymore - but we talked about it and I still have a safe place and a safe T

I have been SIing lately quite badly and today before the session I was so agitated and anxious and now I feel calm and have no SI urges - Yeah for T and yeah for me I am so lucky he is seeing me again

ooooh he just rang to see how I was WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooooooooo lucky I will be thinking of you all - but I just cant be here for a while - sorry - please take care o yourselves - you are all kind wonderful people