i just wanted to say i care. i have some issues around confrontation and don't want to overtake the thread with it so i'm kinda holding back on what to say. That's why i haven't said anything before now. But i also realized i wanted you to know i see you and i care about you and what's happening.

The only thing i'll say for now is...if part of you has confrontation in mind and you collectively decide to pursue it, it is very important to consider all the angles first. Verify your safety and take appropriate precautions. Some of the fear might be child fears (being threatened if you told) and some could be very real "now" fears. Consider the possible outcomes and if you're willing to live with all of them. Be honest with what you want to have happen and the likelihood of it actually happening (occasionally someone gets acknowledgement and an apology but more often they do not). Lastly, i regret confronting in person rather than via letter. i never got to see my adoptive father's and brother's faces. i only heard their responses second-hand through a supportive adult niece who was there. i never did see or speak to my father again before he died six months later. i was blamed for his death, the ultimate scape-goat. The only time i've seen my brother since was at my mother's funeral. Nobody told me she died and i was not listed or mentioned as her daughter in either the obituary or the service. She wrote me out of the will. All this because i told. Sorry, i really are trying to limit my response here cuz it's not about me...don't think i'm doing a very good job of it. eek

Your father doesn't sound safe to me. i have no idea whether he represents a physical threat or not but he sure doesn't sound mature and able or willing to accept responsibility. i remember ( i remembered something!) you said once that you go through cycles of a sort regarding communication with your dad. Has confrontation come around before? How have you handled the cycle in the past, what did you learn, and how can you improve the outcome?