LSCS628,
Thank you for sharing...your kind heart shows in your post.

Like Tishie, I believe you should be direct with him.
It's understandable that you still feel obligated to him, but that's exactly what it is--an obligation and no longer a commitment, if that makes sense.
You've spend many years taking care of everyone else but yourself...perhaps it's time you did take care of you.

We all know that changes are hard to make, and many times we worry about the other person and the affect it will have on them.
But you are not responsible for his reactions or his health problems...he'll have to stand on his own two feet. Jmo, but he has everything he wants--nice and neat--so he may feel like hanging on to the comfort of his life but not acknowledging your needs.
I offer my apology for sounding harsh, my intent is not to hurt or anger you.
LSCS628, you are entitled to "your time." You've given it all you had and it didn't work out. There is no shame in that, probably some sorrow and disappointment...instead of letting those things block you, use them to reinforce your need for a new life.

You know what you want and need--go for it. Please don't let your desire for independence and peace fade away...
Maybe while you are continuing to recover from your surgery you can start making concrete plans for doing what you need to do for yourself.
Taking care of yourself is not being selfish!

My best wishes to you for good physical and emotional health,
Catherine