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May 30, 2009, 02:19 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 19,686
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Originally Posted by Kaika
She said though that she had given it some thought recently anyways before I said anything, though when and if she does quit she is going to do it for herself. That really hurt you know. Whatever happened to "If you can't do it for yourself, then at least do it for your children"?
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Unfortunately, when dealing with an addiction - it's never a good idea to quit for someone else, even if it's for the good of your children. As sad as that sounds.  Quitting for someone else makes you resentful and whatnot towards the person who "made" you quit, and then that tends to go downhill ... Also, quitting for someone else means you're letting someone else dictate your actions - and if you do wind up relapsing, then it becomes an even messier situation.
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Just because I'm grown up on the outside doesn't mean I'm grown up on the inside. In the end, she said she would try. (even pinky sweared on it) I guess out of impulse I announced this when dad came over. Later he was telling me that I really shouldn't have said that because it makes everyone feel awkward. So now I feel like an ***. 
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A: You don't have to act like a "grown up". Take that from the almost 23 year old me who still gets told to stop acting like a child in public... by my "loving" mother. 
B: Emotional age and physical age are two different things... I've seen the way you act here, and you act more responsible and mature than other people your age I've met in other situations.
I did the "impulse" thing too one time and basically announced to my mother that my stepdad was an binge alcoholic and that I hated it. Ooooh, she didn't like that! I got an earful and into an argument and wound up being the one who was very much upset. You don't have to feel like an *** because you really didn't do anything wrong!!
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So now I'm  and nobody seems to get why I'm so emotional. I honestly think that they don't understand.
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(Most over-used teenager quote ever)
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Highly overused and not always appropriate, but in your case - it's true, not all parents understand - especially if they're messed up in their own ways or dealing with an addiction or a mental illness.
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And then they wonder why I need a therapist when I'm clearly so normal, they wonder why I have a hard time telling them anything.
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My "sarcasm meter" went off the chart here.  Yeah, we're the product of our environments and it doesn't sound like your family life is the best place for you... hey, at least you're realizing this now rather than later! (Always think positively, or try to).
((((((((((((Kaika))))))))))))))))))))
 I hope that writing this all out helped.
There is NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL. Anyone who says differently is clearly abnormal. Normalcy is relative... it's a scale where we don't know the middle point or "average".
I'm glad you at least tried to talk to them. Sometimes that's all we can do - and at least now you won't agonize over the situation if you hadn't done it! Even if it didn't have the overall best result, at least they know now that their behaviours and actions are affecting you. That means that their behaviours and actions are their OWN responsibility, not yours.
You're responsible for your own behaviours and actions here as well - now that you know what to expect from them, you can work towards helping yourself.
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