About 4 years ago I was in an abusive relationship. I didn't want to do a lot of the stuff he wanted but did it because I was afraid if I said no that he would hit me. So he basically ruined most of sex for me for the past several years.

Well I've felt much more comfortable with my current boyfriend and have been able to do things with him that, before, would cause me to start bawling my eyes out and not be able to stop thinking about him forcing me to do those things. So I thought that maybe I could handle something that every guy on the face of the earth seems to want to do (I think you all know what I mean). And every time any guy has asked me I didn't even give it a second thought. No under any circumstances. Well I thought, if I can open up around him as much as I have and feel so comfortable with him maybe I can try that too? So we tried and it took about 2 seconds for me to get triggered and start crying hysterically.

I feel really bad that I can't do certain things for him because they make me flip out and really wish they didn't. Will those feelings ever go away? I want to enjoy sex and not see it as a chore or as something scary. But it seems like any time I try to do something out of my comfort zone it just sends me into a spiral and makes me feel violated and horrible for a long time. Plus, now my boyfriend feels like he's done something wrong and keeps apologizing to me even though I told him it would be okay. I feel terrible.