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i am nto sure why but when i make these plans it doesnt really matter to me b/c i feel as if these plans will never happen n/e way. like to me, i make up just n/e plan b/c it wont happen kinda like i wont be around or something. i am confused by this. the only things i follow through w/ r cutting.

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Hallie, if you don't expect that you will be able to achieve things or follow through with your plans, then you will continue to be limited by your conception of yourself as someone who will not get anywhere in life. I can understand feeling like it is unreal to count on anything past high school. That is such a huge change in your life - a whole new level of independence. It can be scary. And it's just plain something you haven't done before. So a little bit of not believing you will really be away at college somewhere in a few months is normal. The problem is when you can't see yourself achieving anything so you sabotage yourself of you don't try or you give up before you get there, or don't even make the plans in the first place. Believing that it won't happen anyway too easily becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and you have so much more potential than you are able to see.

I spent 12 years or so believing I couldn't do anything. I didn't try. I just gave up. The limits were overwhelming and I couldn't see that I put them on myself or that I didn't have to let them dictate my life. I would hate to see you do that.