(((((((((((crystalrose)))))))))))))

Not a dumb wish. Unrealistic maybe (b/c your T can't be your mother) but not dumb... that means you've developed a strong attachment to your T and that they've been able to help you and you've come to depend on them and that they support you and that they genuinely like and care about you.

I'm sorry you've got to go through termination with her though, that really hurts and it really sucks.