buscuit, with my situation it was my biological family's medical health...no one seemed to be able to live past 40. I took it to mean that i would not either. I set no goals for the second half of my life. I am 47 now...so eventually i had to look at this and realize (with great struggle) that every day is a gift (even the bad days when i can't seem to get out of bed let alone shower). It is slow going, but it is going as far as rebuilding this life. Good luck to you yoda.