I honestly don't even remember writing this post &obviously now sober I realise it was a stupid thing to do esp considering I got into a car with a guy who I knew was drunk &ended up in a serious accident a few yrs ago-i never learn. I think ive got my drinkn under control-i drink alot but no more than some of my friends, obviously when I get older I wont be drinkn or going out this much.

But thanks to all of you for the support the people in this forum seem like the only people who get it. I'm home from my travelling came home nearly 3 weeks ago & I'm finding it tough to settle bac into my life here. My mothers an alcoholic &I've rarely seen her sober since I've bn home &the nightmares are back now most nights a week. I watched her hit my younger sister the other day &that was the final straw, she was violent wit me&my older sis but i felt so bad &guilty i couldnt protect my little sister at that moment. I went &scored a good bit of coke,sum painkillers &spent the weekend on a bender. A few of my non using friends found out &when I seen them crying &begging me not to fall back into old habits I realised I'm not just hurting myself, I'm hurting my best friends who stuck by me &forgave me for all the crap I did!

I don't understand now why after spending months off drugs did I go back I cant spend my life blaming my mams problem because im 23 &make my own choices. I've graduated uni wit a 1st class honours degree with everything going for me but yet I'm back to square one &seemingly determined to ruin everything again!Why havnt I thrown the pills &coke away.

No i havnt talked to any therapists or anything I was v.close today I even went so far as getting a number but I know I prob wont ring it when I stop feeln so crapy after the weekend. I just find it v.hard to talk about things &instead try to deal with it myself.