Yep - having stuff going on but that is kinda why I am here. To hear what others have to say and to hopefully be helpful.

I can relate to being scared all the time. I have been in a pretty bad panic and I have been carrying my meds even when a friend asked me to walk with her and her dog. That is usually when I feel the safest and right now I don't.

I guess I keep telling you to be gentle with yourself and find ways that allow you to feel safe b/c that is what I need to hear. Change is so hard and I wish someone would come up with a pill that made it easier. I would pay big time for that.

I wish there was something that I could tell you that would make it easier, I have this picture on my wall - it's this really cool piece photo and under I had the artist put "It's about the choices we make, the risks we take, the secrets we share and the love that fills our lives."

Right now none of that seems even remotely possible but those words have struck a nerve in me so something about it must be true.

From everything you have posted you are making awesome choices, taking incredible risks, sharing your secrets and the that black hole that you are feeling that right now is filled with fear will be filled with other things.