aww... thank you so much for your loving responses everyone - ((((treehouse, kureha, ranbow, amazonmom, peaches, googley, LLT & hug monster impy))))
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i feel really awkward right now because it's like... maybe ppl think i am doing this for attention, or something, or just to be told i'm good, or something - i don't know. but i promisei wasn't.
i just get stuck in the "i'm a bad person loop" every now and again, and i guess it's been triggered by many little things instead of one big thing. usually i would call pdoc, but i called him last week (i typically dont call very often - maybe 2 or 3 times a year, max?) and when he returned his call he started with "is there anything i can help you with" rather than his usual concerned "what's wrong". made me think maybe he thinks i'm just calling to be annoying, or to connect, or something that isn't useful and practical like getting immediate help.
so i'm trying to deal with this without him. i'm sorry it means i drag you guys instead
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
Pdoc loves you, he knows you are not bad. He wouldn't give didier to a bad person.
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tree - thank you so much for this. i read this earlier in the morning (wasnt up for responding then) but it made me really snap out of the loop. just like - all gone
! so i have been looking after didier extra special today because maybe i was mean to him yesterday when i thought he was angry at me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
So you didn't get your uni work done. It might be good to examine why that happened. But that definitely does not make you a bad person. It seems that you are very hard on yourself. You don't need to be punished, Deli. It sounds like you need this instead.  |
thank you for this suggestion, peaches. i will talk to my T about it on thursday. i know i did procrastinate a lot, even though i knew i didnt have much time, but i dont know why i kept putting it off. would be valuable to figure that one out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by googley
Has he been mad at you before for not doing your homework?
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thank you sweetie. you are right - pdoc hasnt been mad before. but this is the first time he's given me didier, and i thought he might get angry because i couldnt finish even with didier's help. and i like having didier with me, so i'm sad that he probably won't think it's a good idea in the future and lend didier to me again.
and LOL - yes, to whoever asked (sorry - i tried quoting multiple, but i must've deleted too many responses or something) but i
adore hugs. so thank you to absolutely everyone who gave me one - it's the best thing in the world
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