To me, my needs don't matter. Connor wouldn't let me go and do breakfast club on Saturday morning because he came to see me and said I looked awful. I was really ill and felt weak and couldn't actually walk anywhere and couldn't even think straight. So yeah, he wouldn't let me do breakfast club... But as soon as he was gone, I made myself get up and do what I felt needed to be done.

I did volunteering in the cafe here yesterday and everybody kept telling me to go home and get some rest because I looked very tired and kept dropping things, tripping over and forgetting things. But I wouldn't go home. I stayed there from 11a.-5pm and did everything. I didn't go outside once, I didn't stop once. I didn't even eat anything all day. Just drank 2 litres of water to keep me going.

I had to wear a jumper though, because on Saturday evening, I broke my self harm free streak nobody knows that I have and I don't want anybody to know because yet again, I have let people down. Yay.

I feel so tired again today and yesterday after serving cream teas and cakes all day, I got home and crashed out on my bed for an hour, only to be woken up by the 3 people I least wanted to see, shouting my name outside my bedroom window. Great. I was NOT a happy bunny and I let them know so. I could have easily caught up on some much needed sleep, but no, they didn't care that when they saw me I looked like utter s--t, they just wanted to aggravate someone and have something to do. GO AWAY!!!!!!

I thought I'd have been left alone by them by now, but I guarantee that I'll be needed to help with their shopping or something today. Well tough fricken luck! Today, I am going to do the selling of cream teas again for an hour, for the YMCA and then go home, sit in the sun for a bit and write, unpack a few boxes and then sit and watch a DVD. Then after that, I'm going to go to bed and get some much needed sleep. I doubt I will get that much needed sleep, because it's still taking me ages to get off to sleep and I still keep waking up.

At least I've managed a week so far of sleeping without the light on
I just wish I didn't feel so ill. It's so painful and draining and I just keep getting headaches and migraines all the time