Not sure what to tell T. She thinks I have 5 session left on insurance, but she doesn't yet know I went to see another T over our break. I am going to tell her and why.
I think I am going to stay with my current T, first of all she is willing to learn how to deal with me, she is a younger T. She knows trauma stuff very well, but more on women's violence, than on child abuse I think. Something about her eyes makes me not want to trust her, it reminds me of my mom.

I kinda feel lost though. I don't have anymore hope in finding anyone else. That last lady kinda put off trying to find another T.

I am really feeling down on the whole profession right now, not even sure if I want to work in it. I am truly appalled at some T's right now and how they act and the things they do.

I had a friend who decided to become a T, who is practicing on college students as an internship, when she clearly isn't strong enough to handle her own life, she was fighting suicidal thoughts all the time while working on her past life in therapy. But she started working with people as a T after she came out of the mental hospital within weeks of this. I brought this up, and now she is not my friend anymore because I was honest with her. Did her college know this before they allowed her to practice with just a few actually T courses? Probably not. I just feel T's have responsibilities to their clients and if they are in no shape themselves mentally, they aren't strong enough to handle their clients either. I know colleges offer free therapy using their students as the T's in training, but they clearly need to screen their students and their students mental health more. There are lots of other learning internships where you don't work one on one with clients. I know for me, I want to make sure my serious issues are resolved before becoming a T, I don't want my stuff to come into the room. But now I am thinking I would be better off doing something else because I am so disgusted with the profession right now.
Just looking for a T myself, and finding it HARD to find a good one, tells me a lot of things.

I am not sure why I feel so sad right now. I am not even sure I want to continue with therapy and go through the roller coaster ride again.