help! (and please excuse my left shift key, my hubby spilled wine on our keyboard...now it sticks1)

It's 0400; i wasn't sure where to post this......i am a total basketcase (some of you knew that already1)PANIC!!!

Just last week, an old friend who i haven't seen in 20 years suddenly just popped up out of nowhere (we used to work on a "teen hotline' together0......when she saw me last, i was severely ana....i've gone up & down so many times over the years i probably have more 'stretch marks' than a woman who had 14 kids1 & now i cannot even sleep....we just suddenly connected & today at Noon, we're suppose to be 'reunited' & go out to eat..........well, i have an eating disorder and right now i'm on the heavier side....i am mortified what she's going to think and/or say

i mean, she's had 2 kids who are teenagers already; i don't know how to act around her!!! PANIC PANIC

she told me via e-mail that we got together after SHE got out of the Army.....Problem/? I don't remember her going in...the last time I remember seeing her, i was being sworn in, and she was there but they wouldn't take her b/c she weighed too much....she said we got together & have no idea what we discussed or anything (d/t 80+ ECT's & being MPD/DID, there are huge holes...even periods of years...i don't remember0 i know that she doesn't know about my years on the patient's side of the PSYCH unit desk....but how am i going to explain why/how my ENTIRE left forearm is nothing but a wasteland of mottled skin caused by thousands of cigarette burns (self-inflicted0
Why don't i have ANY of my own real teeth (bulimia)....trying to keep from saying 'we', in the 3rd person/? instead of 'I'? how i managed to become a psych nurse after she sees me// Why do i still smoke when a another friend we have in common who ran into her told her that I have COPD?? AAiiiiieeeeeeeee1!!!!!

So, here's me after a week of 'porking out' i didn't know that we were going to 'reunite'....since i've been abusing laxatives, my stomach is extremely bloated out....i cannot sleep......sitting here drinking water by the gallon

we're supposed to go out & EAT????

I'm losing it fast....the sun will be coming up in 1 1/2 hours...i've been extremely agoraphobic for the past 3 weeks, even been cancelling appts. w/ my t1!!

i want to find a rock & slither under it; but i couldn't b/c I'm soooooo bloated out! i'm going out of my mind!! i don't have a lot of close friends......we used to be....but i'm so afraid that when she sees me & we talk over lunch i will never hear from her again..........

i'm losin it1 DAYZEE9