I remember how it was with my first T. I thought she was just going to be like an advice columnist. I had no idea I was going to develop a relationship with her. But then it happened. I shared one of my secrets, she responded positively, and I felt something scary. I didn't know what. I had trouble getting out of the chair and she said something like. "It's hard to disconnect after feeling so connected, isn't it."

We discussed real issues in my sessions, but underlying were the feelings for her. Unless someone is in straight CBT or some other short-term type of therapy, most of us are going to have strong feelings for our Ts. I think it's like falling in love. It's inherent in the therapy situation itself. I don't totally understand it, but it's tangible. It happens to most of us. Call it transference or call it connection, but whatever it is, it's very powerful. I wonder sometimes if our Ts know how powerful it is. My T knows, but she still thinks I'm too attached to her. So I don't think she really, really understands how powerful those feelings can be. Not for everyone. I do know some people who had good feelings for their Ts, but not to the extent I'm talking about.

I've felt ashamed of the strong attachment I've felt for my Ts, but then I realize it was inevitable. It just kind of bothers me that the therapeutic relationship is so powerful, and it's unbalanced.

You said it's scary to care. I agree. The feelings we have for our T are scary and powerful. My T said you cannot duplicate the therapeutic relationship in the "real world". It must be why it works. It's normal to feel the way you do. I think the most important thing is to discuss it with your T. Otherwise, the feelings get in the way, instead of helping your therapy.

Sorry I didn't mean to write so much, but this subject is of great interest to me. I hope some of it is helpful.