Hi Rose,


There's a really good book on being assertive. It's titled, "When I say No, I Feel Guilty". It's an old book but it's one of the very best out there on the topic.

Anyway... IMHO, you don't need to provide this person with a reason, because they will just try to talk you out of your line of thinking or try to come up with an alternative time/date, etc.

What you need to do is practice the broken record technique. Like this:

Them: So Rose... how about we get together for coffee on Thursday?

You: Sorry I am not interested.

Them: Well how about Friday?

You: No, I am not interested.

Them: Well... would you like to go to dinner then on Saturday?

You: No, I am not interested.

Them: Why not?

You: I don't know... it's just how I feel. I am not interested.

Them: Don't you like me?

You: I don't know... but I do know is that I am not interested in hanging out.

Them: You must not like me then.

You: I don't know. I'm just not interested in hanging out. (Shuts door, Ends IM conversation, Logs out of e-mail, etc).

Anyway... you get the picture. Keep using the broken record and they will eventually back off.

Also if and when they ask you "Why", just say, "I don't know" or "It's how I feel." You do not need provide any more explanation than that.

Good Luck,

Peppermint Patty

P.S. If they still don't back off, or start acting strangely in a violent sort of way, you may want to make a call to the police.