Debbie,
There is a lot of truth to what ozzie just replied with.
I'd like to add to this, grieving comes in various stages but not always in the same order, or for some, maybe not all.
Shortly after my dad passed away, I told my pdoc that I wished I didn't love my dad, that perhaps if we did have a bad relationship, my heart wouldn't be broken.
Pdoc replied, "no you don't, what you had was a very special, loving relationship, but those that haven't been that fortunate experience some form of grief".
So true, to some degree, my mom's dad was supposedly a good person (he died before I was born) when sober, but mean and abusive while drunk, leaving horrible memories in my mom's mind. One day she told me she always felt hate towards him and when he died she was almost happy, till a teeny flash of short lived feeling of love from him turned things in a different light, she felt sorry that such a good man destroyed himself, and relationships.
"IF" only he could of been helped, if only he could of stayed sober, things could have been different.
The hatred melted, not the bad memories though, but she saw him as the original person he had been.
I feel though it took my mom's lifetime, but eventually resolved stuff and put closure on it.
There are no deadlines of when you will feel tears or not, there are no deadlines of when to grieve and stop grieving, many of us will have different memories.
If you never feel tears from this, that's okay too, everything happens in it's own time.
I'm happy you came here, and please always feel welcomed to do so, so many of us that have lost a family member and even a pet, can share our feelings.
Right now try not to put any sort of pressures on yourself, let your feelings come out, want to cry then do so, if you feel anger, punch your pillow, even go off and scream, don't try to lock emotions away, they are something we all have been given, some good, some bad.
That line that the Wizard said to the Tin Man, "why do you want a heart? They only get broken." I know this isn't his exact words but the gist of it.
I wished many a time to be like "The Tin Man", others here have said the same thing, but then I also dig deep into my heart and realize that then I wouldn't have the gift of fond memories . . . good times.
Emotions . . . maybe a curse or a gift, that is what scientists say seperates humans from animals.
Personally I feel animals have emotions, if not, they may be better equiped than humans, coping and adjusting.
Adaptation. . . a beautiful thing.

Much love to you and wishes for better days to come,

DE