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I have tried to talk to advocates in my area and I feel like my ARMHS worker's boss is ok...Pat S. is my ARMHS worker and I was told that she and her supervisor Pat H. will be bringing me to the meeting...I called and talked to Pat S. and she told me that no they are not ganging up on me...That Pat H. thought that it would be good for Pat S. to ride with because Pat S. knows how to keep me calm..Pat H. thought that it maybe easier on me if she would come with..I asked Pat S. if we could take her car because she allows me to smoke in her car. Pat S. said that she did not know what car we will be taking but that even if we did take her car that Pat H. may not want me to smoke...
I asked Pat S. that if she drove if I can sit up front with her or that if Pat H. drives if Pat S. would sit in the back seat with me. She asked me if I thought that that would make me feel less ganged up on. I told her yes.
I feel very scared....I am afraid to ride with Pat S. and Pat H. but I know that I can trust them...
I talked to the on-call therapist and he told me that I could write things down and give them to Scott...I told him that I feel like not going to get my meds and my shot tomorrow and hide in my apartment and not let anyone in...But I know that that will not work...The resident manager knows Pat S. and would prolly let her into the building and then into my apartment so I have to think of some place else I can hide..I can not hide at Marie's cause that would be the most obvious place I would go...I I just feel that I am not strong enough to do this....I am scared and I feel like I am that little girl again...I told someone that I wish I would have never told anyone about the abuse...i told them that if I would not have told 12 years ago about the abuse that was going on this would not be happening...I feel so darn scared and I feel I have no one to talk to...I just want to hide...
LLL1985
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