Exoticflower,

The fact that this deep pain keeps coming up for you seems to indicate that you haven't yet been able to accept and process what happened with your former t. Do you still have feelings you need to express? If so, to who? What do you still need to say? To feel? Hurt and grief can take a long time to work through, and it's not a straightforward pattern. We can feel like we've accepted it one day, but then something comes up to remind us of the hurt, and we feel it all over again.

When the pain hits, you have a very good idea to remind yourself that these emotional waves do come and go. The intense hurting feelings will not last forever. Try to ride them out. Let yourself cry if you need to. Let yourself get angry. You've been hurt by someone you deeply trusted. Honor your feelings as they come, and try not to chide yourself for "not being over it yet."