I think the attachment is actually a good thing...I just find it so threatening. I am not sure why really... my T keeps saying that she cares about what happens to me, and how I feel. I had thought therapy would deal with the immediate problem of depression and that would be it.

My T seems to think therapy should help me be mentally healthy in general. Exploring why I almost never make eye contact with her. Why I feel SO uncomfortable when we are not talking and she is LOOKING AT ME.....Why I seem to be bent on proving that I don't need anyone or anybody. Why I hate being given a choice ...(it's because I will be punished if I choose wrong...even though I was told to choose what I wanted).

Oh, and the pesky idea that I need to work on the PTSD stuff. I am going to make sure I take all my bipolar meds so I won't go hypomanic again and actually bring that stuff up ever again!!!!!!

I told her at the end of the last session "I so desperately want to be myself". OMG...do you think she is going to try and help me be myself?