Hello,

I'm pretty sure I have DDNOS in addition to my other diagnoses, even though my t hasn't said so. Needless to say, I do have self parts that think and react in very different ways. The biggest difference i experience is between my adult self and my child selves. When i am triggered into the child state, i feel very anxious, scared, needy, and shameful. But not when i am in the adult state. The problem is, my t is always after me to have my adult self help out and comfort my child self when i get triggered. The reason i can't do this is because when my child self appears, the adult self seems to disappear, and i just do not seem to have access to it in order to help myself.

I am co-conscious. I don't lose time per se (although dissociating can leave me feeling on the brink between reality and unreality, like i am watching another self, and feeling odd and fuzzy afterward, as well as surprised or shocked at how i behaved when in the child mode). But I just do not know HOW to keep the adult self present when the child self is triggered, so i can't do what my t is asking me to do.

It gets really frustrating because when i get into the child state, I am sometimes in a great deal of pain, and feel like i need my t to come sit next to me, hold my hand, or somehow provide a sense of comfort or rescue to me when i am suffering so much. But she wants me to be able to comfort myself. I get so frustrated because i'm just not sure my t understands how difficult this is to do. I'm afraid that sometimes she just thinks I want her to help me because i don't want to take responsibility for helping myself.

Does anybody understand what i'm talking about or relate to this?