Silver... sorry I didn't see this until today... I hope your applointment went OK.
Reading your postand the others triggered memories of my first appointment. It was at the health clinic at the university I attended. Very stressful. I was too afraid to asks others questions about what the appointment would be like. My mother and I never talked about anything to do with the reproductive system. Everything I knew about my body I learned from either school health lectures, books,and just listening to what others talked about. Needless to say, there were a lot of gaps in what I really knew and these gaps alone with the abuse created a lot of fear.

Now as a middle aged adult, having had 2 child (both c-sections thank God) these exams are still tough but nothing like the 1st one that was highly influenced by the fear of the unknown.

For me the bottomline is they need to be done and you just need to do what you need to do to get through them.Some tips I've learned over the years that help me, not sure if they will help anyone else:

#1 Once you break down your resistance to finding a doctor or group of doctors and make that first appointment. Mark it in the calendar and assume it is set in stone. NOTHING else can bump that appointment.The only exception I've made over the years is my period. Although it is supposed to be OK to still go...I can't do that and will call and rescheduled with the same idea that the appointment is a must go to commitment.

#2 At the end the appointment I do not leave until I schedule for the next year's exam. No excuses...I have a year to make arrangement to be at that appointment.

#3 The first physican I chose was a male and I've stuck with that decision. It doesn't make sense considering the SA, but this is what my gut told me I would tolerate best and I went with it. The accuracy of my gut was comfirmed when I went in to the hospital have my one sons. A female nurse had to check me out before calling in the doctor. For that for whatever reason having a woman check me out down there is a billion times more stressful than having a male do it. So my recommendation is... When in doubt go with your gut when choosing who to be treated by.

#4 If you are scared because you have no idea what to expect... Do as much as you can to answer as many of your questions before you go. Unknowns just make things soooo much worse. Now with the Internet you can likely find the answers to anything without risking exposure.

#5 If your the type of person who needs support during the exam... Honor that and find someone to go with you. These exams are difficult for EVERYONE not just us (in my case an assumed abnormal freaks). In fact what seems to make me abnormal is my perception that normal people have no problems with these situations.In my case I am a person who when faced with a very uncomfortable situation DOES NOT find it comforting to have a friend sit with me as I go through it. It just adds more stress to the situation. If you are this type of person... Honor that too. And don't be afraid to tell other to F#*@-off if you have too. Trust yourself.

#6 Don't assume that the doctor knows anything or can tell anything about you from either what the see on the examination or what the see in your body language. If there is scaring, an STD, you tense up, dissociate, panic, cry, or whatever...there are a million reasons for each and many of them have NOTHING remotely related to being abused, evil or filty or what ever else you may think you are. I sometimes think that the things I've experienced are sooo visible to others, and that if they see me react that they will immediately judge me. But my wounds are often only visible to me, others don't usually detect them unless I point them out. The fear that they will KNOW and if they do they will JUDGE, is just the parasite making me believe there is something innately wrong with me.

Sorry...obviously this thread trigger some reflections...

...OB exams suck, but you can find a way to get through the 10-15 minutes of torture. You've likely dealt with a lot worse. At least there's a benefit to you health in doing so.