Hi Parker.

I think you summed up the situation here, the help I've received and my condition very nicely and accurately. It is difficult taking that first baby step and just letting go of your fears and convincing yourself that nothing is *seriously* wrong with you though. It can be as bad as a mother having to give up her newborn baby because the thought of some horrible disease is always tugging at you and you can't always just "let it go". I am sure willing to try though

Breaking loose from this pattern of thought no doubt takes some work (and time) and I am willing to do it but my agoraphobia keeps me pretty much housebound unless it's an extreme emergency and I end up at the ER. That is why I so much want to receive my therapy online. I would even be willing to pay for it (and stick with it) and then I can ask my doctor for whatever meds the therapist recommends. Now I'm sure a few people will jump up and say "hey,. why did'nt you tell us you had Agoraphobia earlier!!" but let's be reasonable here, can we?. I mean, I have had so many diagnoses, medications, health probs and life expeiences in my 42 years that it's difficult to keep them all straight in my head and no doubt, I won't be able to think of all of them but that does'nt mean that I am trying to keep them a secret or anything.

My mother, grandmother and many other people throught my life have always praised my openess and how I am willing to be open, honest and talk about anything so if someone has a question about what meds I've been on, what treatments I've received, etc please don't hesitate to ask me. If someone had asked me about my childhood, I would have been morethan happy to bring up my time in the juvenile psych ward and other experiences, etc.

As with many of us here, I'm sure it would take an awfully large forum and many years to tell everything about ourselves and even then, we probably would'nt be able to remember every detail. Parker, I do so much believe you and all others here when I hear you talk about the symptoms of anxiety. Over ten years, I have read so much about this, talked to lots of of people and suffered a lot myself so there's no doubt I have it and yes, I am willing to be helped. I am willing to be like the little pussycat that comes crawling to a bowl of milk. I just took a 1mg Ativan an hour ago. I can't say if it is helping me or not but I think it is. My allergies, watery eyes, etc drive menuts too and somethimes I even wonder if that is part of my anxiety disorder.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. Fay - I would really be interested in putting any misunderstandings we may have had in the past behind us, working this out and being freinds, ok?. I think you are a nice operson who means well and I think you have a lot to offer other people. Maybe we can meet in chat this evening or by IM...would you feel comfortable about this?.

PS: I don't know if I'm allowed to say this here but I have serveral microphones, webcams and various IM clients and although I tend to be a bit shy and introverted, I would be absolutely delighted to get the opportunity to talk to some of you live (sound, video, etc). Of course, only if some of you feel comfortable with it. Maybe a few of you could PM me if you are interested in this?.

I love all of you and we will all get through this together somehow!