My Support Forums - View Single Post

Elysium · Jun 02, 2009, 09:12 PM

Had session with old T today. I'm transitioning to a new T right now so I am kind of weaning off of old T. We're doing sessions every two weeks right now.

So....had an emotional session. I've been trying to cope with the loss and abandonment that I feel with transition and being in a position where I HAVE to leave her as opposed to terminating because I am ready.

During session today...T and I discussed how my 9 yr old alter, James is having the most difficult time because he seems to feel the raw pain and hurt from the abandonment. T took the abandonment and switched angles a bit and it turns out that a lot of these fears stem from abandonment, but also from loss. She asked me about what took place in my life when I was 9. She already knew but wanted me to connect it. Well, when I was 8 1/2 my Grandfather passed away. It was very traumatic for me. He was my hero and the only one I could look to for protection and one day he was there and the next day he wasn't.

This brought up a flood of emotion from other losses that I have experienced and I had kind of a mini breakdown in session. T was very supportive and at the end of session asked me what I needed to help get back to an okay place. I told her that I thought just getting off the subject and being able to listen to my music in the car would help and that I thought I was okay.

I haven't been okay since. James is very close to the surface and has been ever since session. It's kind of strange...it's like one minute I'm fine, and the next minute, James comes through and I can see him in my head and I just start to cry....HE is experiencing the flashbacks from my grandfather's death. HE is having reoccurring thoughts and visions.

It's like right now the PTSD is only affecting him....It feels so weird...I feel like I'm rambling so I'm gonna stop now, but has any one else experienced one disorder affecting only certain alters at times? Does that even make any sense....?