Rachie,
It is hard for me to reply to this as I don't think anyone has a magic formula, but my experience is that no-one can ever really understand, even with the best intentions. I am not being a negative nancy, more a cynical realist!
No, okay, sorry....bit of my bent humour. My saving grace, has been to "give up" the idea that I need others to understand.......they cannot and more grief is in the trying to get my thoughts and feelings across, than in the actual problem. More peace is restored internally when you take responsibility for your feelings and actions and attempt to resolve them on your own or with your therapist. That is empowerment.
In saying this, I am aware that this state of mind takes a little while to reach. I mean, you kind of have to understand what you are dealing with first in order to manage it. There is nothing wrong in communicating how you feel to your partner, that is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, but do not expect him to "help" you. He does not know what you are REALLY dealing with. He can scratch the surface but that is all. He can care for you and support you, but he cannot fix you. Reading material for him is excellent, but experience with you will fortify what he learns. Maintain a sense of humour, that is my other saving grace......allow both of you to have a laugh at the more morbid things in life......I am not talking about death here, just stuff that is serious(if you know what I mean). If I told you some of the stuff I have laughed at within myself, you would probably get me immediate medical attention. But laughter is imperative, especially when things are really bad.
As for your child, you will not lose them.......you think too little of yourself......you are a good mum that is getting help and doing all that you can with what you have got. The power is in the doing, not the "not doing".
Don't know if any of that made sense, but glean from it what you will, sweetie.......big hugs
it will get better......